I Do What I Do Not Want To Do

Note: I encourage you to take the time to read Romans 7:7-25 today. I stumbled across this passage this week, as it was the next Scripture for the online Bible study I'm a part of, and it couldn't have been better timing. This is truth: the truth about me, the truth about you, the truth about humanity. But it is also the truth about Jesus. The truth about the hope that is available for both me and you. For all of humanity.

As I read these verses, I wrote and God spoke. These are the exact notes from my Quiet Time notebook this morning. This is my struggle. This is my hope. I felt led to share this with you. I hope it is of some impact and encouragement to you today:




"For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it." (Romans 7:19-20).

The sin living in me, the sinful nature of the flesh, is bringing me to death spiritually. It is because of my sinful nature that I cannot carry out the desire I have to do good. And this truth, laid out in this Scripture, could not have come to me at a better time this week.

All week (actually, this entire summer) I've been struggling. I want to keep the Lord first and I desire to spend time with Him in prayer and in His Word. I desire to journal and reflect on His faithfulness. Yet, I don't do these things like I should. I wake up to checking my Facebook for an hour or two and then finally head over to spending fifteen or twenty minutes in prayer. I know I should spend time in His Word yet I spend an excessive amount of time on social media throughout the day, scrolling mindlessly despite that I know (and desire) to put God first. Finally, I spend some time in His Word for ten minutes or so, usually at 1:30 am. This has become frequent. My life has been losing routine. I'm not spending enough time with God and I am definitely not putting Him first. I haven't journaled about His faithfulness (despite that I've been wanting to for months). I'm going to bed way too late and sleeping in way too much. I desire routine. I desire for the Lord to be first in my life. Yet I give into the flesh. I give into the sinful nature and do what I do not want to do.
 

"For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." (Romans 7:15b)

So is there a solution?

"For in my inner being I delight in God's law, but I see another law at work in the members of my body..." (Romans 7:22-23a)

The sinful nature is at work, and I do what I do not want to do. I may delight in God's law, but the flesh is working against me, and too often, I let the flesh win. I struggle in my sin. But this is why Jesus came. We are all destined to eventually let the sinful nature win. We are all in need of a Savior; none of us are righteous in the sight of God by our own doing. But Jesus won when He died and defeated the grave. I may do what I do not want to do, but HE has won--and I can live not only with salvation and new life, but in His grace, which is fully sufficient to cover my sins.

When I'm struggling in my sin, when I feel like I can never do what I want to do and that I always end up failing because of the sinful nature at work within me----
there is victory awaiting.

We are all going to fail, but that's why Jesus died. He rescued me, saved me, and means it when He says: "My grace is sufficient for you..." (2 Cor. 12:9)

So I'm giving my struggle to Him. I'm taking breaks from Facebook and restricting my time on social media. I'm seeking to put Him first.

But I know that no matter how much I fail (which I'm sure to do), no matter how much I do what I do not want to do, His grace is sufficient for my sins.

And that's enough.

"Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Romans 7:24-25a).

Keep Your Eyes On Him

I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Psalm 16:8 

That's it. These words of Scripture have become what I'm hanging onto for life. It doesn't matter what you or I face, it applies. Keep your eyes on the Lord. 

When things are going good, keep your eyes on the Lord. When you're afraid, keep your eyes on the Lord. When you're angry, keep your eyes on the Lord. When you're swallowing up in your sins and you feel like there's no escaping, keep your eyes on the Lord. 

When life is at its worst, keep your eyes on Him.

Because He promises to walk with us and to never forsake us. He promises that He will always love us. He promises that He has plans for our lives, plans to prosper and not to harm.

He doesn't promise that things will always be good, because trials are inevitable. 
He promises that we will not be shaken if we just keep our eyes on Him.

Let these life-giving words speak volumes into your heart tonight. It's what I'm holding onto. 

No matter what you're going through, fix your eyes on the Lord.

Image via Pinterest

This Is My Story

Every day is a new page. The Creator of this world and of all of creation is also the Creator of stories and of new beginnings. Oh how He loves creating new things out of dust, out of the broken, out of the ones who have no choice in the darkest times but to fall upon His feet!

He uses our broken past and writes a story that is oh so beautiful. The Creator saw a plan, and He didn't give up.

We all have a story.
While these words were previously written by me for a different purpose, they remain true today. Because of Jesus, I am loved. Because of Jesus, I am forgiven. Because of Jesus, I can live a life of putting Him first...and know that when I mess up, His grace abounds.

God didn't give up on me, and He won't give up on you either. This is my story:

 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33

The words of Jesus have touched my heart and shaped my life. I live to bring glory to God, to make Him and His Kingdom my utmost priority, and to share His love to the world. I seek to live a life of putting Jesus Christ first. But it wasn’t always this way.

As a child, I believed in God. I found pleasure in reading my children’s Bible and going to church on holidays with my family. But that wasn’t enough. I lived a life of being a good person and being kind to others, but God wasn’t at the forefront. I didn’t truly know who Jesus was and why He did what He did. However, God began moving. Around the age of eight or nine, I began to fully understand that the power of prayer was real and of the character of God as He answered my prayers. I began to pray on a daily basis.

In the summer of 2010, God used two girls, an empty YMCA exercise room, and a website called Wonderzone to lead me to Him. After meeting these new friends, I was introduced to Wonderzone; through joining the Bible study group as well as playing the games and Biblical “adventures” on the site, I eventually gave my life to Christ in the fall of 2010. My entire mindset was changed. I did not stop reading His Word in the Bible study group. My family and I began frequently attending the church God had placed in our lives since before my birth, but at the new campus that was built near our home. My life was no longer about putting myself first and being a good person. It was about living for Jesus Christ.

However, I struggled with doubting my salvation and continued to ask Jesus into my heart and to forgive me from my sins several times in 2010 and 2011. I began to pray that God would reveal to me somehow if I was truly saved. On October 5, 2011, God spoke through a guest speaker at youth group about rededicating my life to Him. I felt the Lord speaking to me more than ever before that night, and I rededicated my life once and for all. I would no longer have to question my salvation. My faith grew much stronger after that night, as I decided to solely pursue Jesus and a life following Him.

Since starting high school in 2012 (and even now as a graduate!), I have grown in my relationship with God everyday. I have grown closer to Him and have learned to depend on Him in every circumstance. When the tough times have come, I have found joy and peace in knowing that He is on my side. He has done so much work in my life over the past four years, building patience, and love, and the fruits of the Spirit into my heart and mind. In my struggle with shyness, He has given me strength to overcome. He has placed a longing in my heart to encourage and uplift others. Most of all, I have learned to put Him first. Through God’s prompting on my heart to do a social media fast the summer before my junior year, He has trained me to spend time with Him on a daily basis. I have learned that when I seek God and His Kingdom first, everything falls into place. By putting Him before my homework and studies, and first in all that I do, success has come—a success that could not have existed without Him.

I continue to grow in my relationship with God everyday. I am not perfect, and I constantly stray from His ways, but His mercy and His grace never fail to amaze me. In my moments of weakness, His arms are wide open. He calls me to Him and accepts me as I am. He looks past the flaws and the scars and sees the righteousness of His Son instead. I am so grateful for the love of Jesus and how He has moved in my life. Today, He has continued to teach me to pray diligently and to seek Him first. He has revealed to me that no matter how 'good' I am, only in Jesus am I righteous in His sight. He has called me to trust in Him in every circumstance, even when uncertainty about the future fills my heart and my faith weakens. He has called me to create a blog and write for Him. He has called me to encourage and uplift others. 

He has called me to go into this world and be bold. 

This is my story. What's yours?

He Sees Mended

When you see broken beyond repair 

I see healing beyond belief

When you see too far gone

I see one step away from home

When you see nothing but damaged goods
I see something good in the making
I'm not finished yet
When you see wounded, I see mended

I see my child, my beloved
The new creation you're becoming
You see the scars from when you fell
But I see the stories they will tell

You see worthless, I see priceless
You see pain, but I see a purpose 

You see unworthy, undeserving
But I see you through eyes of mercy

Excerpt from Mended//Matthew West

Brokenness will abound in a heart that's been hurt more times than you can remember. Mistakes may seem endless, so much so that you've lost count. Thoughts of a life lacking purpose may fill your head.

The past can be haunting. It may be painful just to think about.

Maybe you feel like your heart is too broken to be fixed. That your life is too messed up to get back up again. And definitely too messed up to be loved by a good God.

Scratch that.
                  not too broken                                 never too messed up
Your heart is too broken to be fixed. Your life is too messed up to get back up again. And definitely too messed up to be loved by a good God. 
not too messed up

At the foot of the cross is sacrificial love and never-ending mercy. Jesus died so that our broken hearts could be repaired. He gave up His life so that the punishment for our sin would be laid upon Him instead. We don't have to live thinking that God doesn't love us or that we are too messed-up and sinful to even think that He cares about us because Jesus would've died for no reason then. It doesn't matter who has made more mistakes--sin is sin in the eyes of God. 

You're not too far gone. Your heart is not too hurt to be restored. There is healing in the name of Jesus. There is restoration; there is purpose. There is worth. 

Just like Matthew West sings in his song, "Mended", God is not finished yet. We may stray from Him and live according to our own desires, but He can use our mistakes and our bad experiences and transform them for His glory, if only we let Him. He can use the hurt, the damage, all of the brokenness from the experiences and relationships in our past, and bring good again. He is the healer of our scars and of our hurts. When we see no purpose, when we see pain, when we see broken beyond relief...

He sees purpose. He sees something good in the making. He sees healing beyond belief. 

He is not finished yet. Your past is not too big for God. You are not too tough of a case for Him to handle. He finds joy in making new. The mercies and freshness of the morning each day is proof. He can use your mistakes and hurts and create a testimony. He can revive a hurting heart and bring back joy and peace and life again. 

When we see wounded, He sees mended. He can repair your broken heart. He can restore your messed-up life.

He sees us through eyes of mercy. That's why Jesus died. That's the result of His love for us.

His unending, relentless, crazy love. 

My heart has been mended by the cross--
Because of the mercy and love of Jesus Christ. 

Yours can be too. 

Refilled Hearts

There's nothing like seeing self-filled hearts being emptied and refilled to the brim by the Holy Spirit. There is so much beauty in seeing souls washed clean by the grace of Jesus Christ and being transformed into one that reflects His love. What influence it has on our spirits when we smell the pleasant scent of His fruit in the lives of others!

Recently God has been revealing stories of broken, messed-up people, like the rest of us, whose lives have been restored through the power of Jesus. It's been so uplifting to hear such stories, so moving and so powerful. God is preparing my heart for what He has in store as He reveals these stories and uses me in ways I never would've imagined.

If you've been praying for someone and it's beginning to look hopeless, don't give up. God is moving. His power is so much stronger, so much greater, than even the hardened hearts of those whom we could never imagine coming to know Christ. There is no life too broken, too shattered, that God can't put the pieces back together again.
Sometimes when it seems like God is the most silent, that's when He is doing the most.

Image via Pinterest

If you've never experienced the transforming power of Jesus, you're missing out! You're never too far gone to do so now. Give it all to Him, and accept the sacrifice He gave so willingly on the cross. His blood cleanses us; His resurrection defeated sin and death. Declaring His power as the Son of God, we are given the opportunity to have new lives through Him.

I'm in awe.

Jesus transforms lives. Jesus refills hearts.
And it's been faith-strengthening and inspiring to hear.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 
2 Corinthians 5:17

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Galatians 2:20

Blessings (Ramblings of this High School Graduate)

God is so good.

Since high school graduation night (yes, I'm officially a high school graduate!), things have been crazy as well as exciting, beyond what I ever imagined. God has been showering me with blessings upon blessings, and I honestly don't deserve it!

I walked away on May 27th with my high school diploma, as well as several scholarships and the honor of being my senior class salutatorian. I had twenty-four hours to write a speech yet He gave me the words and filled my heart with the most peace I've ever had before speaking in front of people (especially several thousand!). That weekend, He provided the most supportive friends and the best celebration that was beyond what I expected as we celebrated this big milestone in my life.

The following weekend, I spent time celebrating my friend's birthday at Universal and then a week or two later, I went aboard a Disney cruise with another friend and her family. Nothing like being treated like royalty and a week away from everyday life! Returning back to reality, God has opened doors with a writing internship as well as been bringing new opportunities with a Bible study, new friends, and fun celebrations. 

As I write this, I just finished an amazing weekend at Freedom Fest, where I worshiped Jesus with Matthew West, Britt Nicole, Tenth Avenue North, and many more artists...and if you know me, you know I'm crazy about Christian concerts and worship time! It was such a blessing meeting one of my favorite bands, Anthem Lights, a couple of times, and I may have appeared calm on the outside but I was absolutely a wreck on the inside! Most of all, God spoke to my heart about trusting in Him as I approach this next stage of life, that as He tugs on my heart and leads me towards certain directions, I must not only trust that I can do all things through Him who gives me strength, but that His power is strong enough to help me do whatever He leads me to do. That may mean getting out of my comfort zone, but I'm learning to trust in the limitless power He has placed within me.

God is so faithful. But as I look back on all these blessings and more that He has been pouring into my life, I see the importance of surrender. My faith hasn't been at its strongest, yet He still provides as I surrender everything to Him. Every test, every scholarship, just the possibility of being salutatorian, and every single one of these events was given to Him. It was no longer mine, but His. There is power in giving every part of your life to God. There is power in surrender. Because when you declare that it is no longer yours, but in the hands of the Creator who spoke the universe into existence and raised Jesus from the dead, you can be sure that good things are on its way. You can be sure that God will bring the best.

Wherever you are at in life, even if you feel forgotten by God, even if you feel like life isn't so good right now and it's been hard to see any good thing, give it to Him. He may not bring you exactly what you want, but He can transform your broken heart and the broken parts of your life and turn it into something beautiful. He can take a broken perspective and speak clarity into your life. Before long, you might just be seeing blessings. Before long, you might just be seeing God's hand in your life.

I have experienced nothing less than that.

Where's the Compassion?

Where's the compassion for His creation? Is it running dry in humanity, buried deep within the hearts of many, so far and so hard to reach? Is it no longer a norm to care so deeply? Could it be that we have abandoned the dominion God originally intended for us to have over the animals? If we're made in His image, and He cares about His creation, weren't we born to do the same?

Where's the compassion?

After volunteering at the animal shelter, I have seen it again and again. Lack of compassion in humanity, a constant willingness to neglect and give up the animals they once declared part of their family. It's heartbreaking, and it's hard. Dogs being thrown off trucks, puppies grown up and no longer wanted, cats surrendered because their owner is going on vacation. When there's no remorse or regret, no compassion in hand, it's so difficult to witness.

And it's not just animals. Everyday, we see stories on the news---stories of murder, stories of abuse, stories of horrible actions and ones that show once again the compassion that is slowly escaping our hearts.

I believe that it's time for a movement of compassion again in this world. Just like our Creator loves His creation, I believe that we are called to take care and to love them as well.


Commit an act of compassion today. Help someone in need. Give your pet a little extra love, and remember the gift that they are to your life. And please, oh please, consider adopting or fostering at your local shelter. Every year, several million animals lose their life, and I believe it stems from the lack of compassion in our hearts and the mistakes we make as humans in caring for the creation in our lives...leading to overcrowded shelters who often have no choice.

Look at His creation today and take the time to act with compassion. It may not change your life, but you might just be changing theirs!